Day 2️⃣7️⃣

I keep fixated on the accomplishments I’ve endured through this process. How only two days remain, I’d like to look back and hold my head up high as if I’ve concurred a great milestone. But reality, I don’t feel that way for some reason. I’m not saying I’m not proud of this process. It’s def not easy and can’t wait to eat some real food. Yet somehow my heart is being pulled into a direction of transparency within self, thus taking a look at my mishaps for a bit. See the marks where I messed up or how I may have treated people unjustly. Sure you cannot fixed what’s already occurred, however you can still learn from them. As my mind is raw and not filled with toxins, I can confidently say that I am one selfish person. Not only do I grasp this about me, but how I combat that when it surfaces. The go-to triggers are defense mechanism of course. We can cloud our judgments and not realize there’s something you didn’t consider because you plead your case as perfect or surety of validation. When you take steps back and accept the comments, instead of protecting my feelings, ask the question-why? Where have I missed the mark. Look at it from their perspective or if there’s a trend in certain areas, then it might be true. When I googled ‘Selfish’, there’s a common theme. It is being excessively anxious or singularly for oneself. This includes one’s advantage, pleasure, or welfare without considering others. It is the opposite of altruism and contrasted with self-centeredness. I can clearly see these aspect run through my veins. Nothing I can do about the past, but can work to remember those failing points and not make things about me.

One thing is looking at photos throughout the years behind and remember those selfish times, but it’s another thing to actually revisit them internally in your heart. The latter is more painful.

Prayer-God, even though I messed up, You still love me. You still have mercy on me. Thank You. Forgive me for all the times I’ve chosen anger over forgiveness. Please reveal who I need to show mercy to today, and then help me to obey Your prompting. Show me  how to love people like You love me. In Jesus’ name, Amen.